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To Catch a Dumbass
For certain, I am a die hard reality show junkie. I love that shit. It’s pure crap, I know this, and yet, like a train wreck, I just can’t stop myself.
One of my favorites would have to be Dateline’s To Catch a Predator. Granted, this is like news right? So it doesn’t fall directly into the category of trash TV. But nonetheless, it’s chalk full of dumb-asses who get exactly what they deserve. Well, OK, really they deserve a slow painful death, but getting totally owned on national TV is pretty sweet as well.
I swear, the producers of this show are freakin’ geniuses! Think about it, the asshat child molesters write almost the entire script! For free! And man is it priceless! And then you have that hot piece of ass, Chris Hanson, reading the fuckwits’ chat transcripts back to them, totally void of the emotion or inflection, like he’s reading the cooking directions to a box of Craft Mac and Yack! “I see you wrote, ‘ I want to (bleep) your (bleep) with my (bleep) (bleep)’. What did you mean by that?” Priceless.
And let’s face it, in addition to seriously low production costs (I think most of the show’s budget goes to Chris’ bi-weekly hair cuts and lemonade), this show could film nightly in countless cities across the country and never come to the end of the insane parade of child molesters who are stupid enough to think their sick asses aren’t going to get busted for trying to have sex with random web-surfing kiddos! Of course, my favorite moments on the show is when Chris Hanson pops out and happily greets the perps and you see that flash of recognition and said perp blurts out something like, “oh snap! I know who you are! Damnnnnnn! Am I on that Catch a Predator show?! Where the cameras at? For shizzle, let me call my crew. Dude! I’m on TV!” ahhhhhh, that’s funny shit.
For real, who would have ever guessed that such a disgusting, stomach-turning subject like child molesters could create such a side-splitting, must see TV!!!! I’ve learned a lot. Just to name a few:
* Reaffirmation that online chat rooms are simple cyber cesspools for soul-less perverts
*59 year old fat bastards think they can pass as a 19 year old (seriously, when you showed up at the house all sweaty and old, didn’t you think they catch on, you dumb fuck!)
* Lemonade is child molester bait! Oh my hell! They love that shit! Even if they have a moment of enlightenment that what they are doing may be wrong or this whole thing could be a sting- you know like that Dateline show, all logic flies out the window at the mere mention of lemonade!
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